I’m saddened that my previous Worship Wednesday posts were lost! What a hard lesson learned for not backing up my blog or posts.
Originally I had been posting every Wednesday, but I’m thinking this time around I may only post once a month. Right now I’m setting aside the first Wednesday of every month to share a “new” worship song. As evidenced by the first song I’m sharing some of them won’t actually be “new.” But maybe, just maybe, they’ll be new to you, or hit you anew. The Holy Spirit likes to work that way. He’ll take something you’ve heard a hundred times and then on the 101st time it’ll have an all new meaning.
The first song is 139, by the greatest church worship band EVER – I’m not biased at all, seeing as it’s my church… Ha! This song is based of Psalm 139. It’s pure, simple, eloquent, and touches my heart so deeply. God is always here. He’s always there. He’s always been there. If you have ever felt alone I hope you know you’re not. I have had many nights and days where I felt absolutely alone. Utterly and completely alone in this world, even though I have a big, loud, loving family. Depression can make you feel that way, alone no matter how many people love you or are “there for you.” After spending more than half my life battling depression I’ve been set free. It hasn’t been easy. God had to touch very tender areas of my heart. I went through Freedom classes held at our church. I prayed, journaled, and cried, a lot. I had to ask my Father for a lot of forgiveness, and needed to extend forgiveness, albeit privately.
The freedom I experience now has been absolutely life changing. Songs like this one always lift me up if I begin to feel despondent. Knowing my Father was there with me through everything, calling my name, His heart breaking at the choices I made, ignoring His voice… It use to sadden me. I would feel shame, guilt, loneliness. The enemy would begin attacking my heart, mind, and soul. Pushing the depression closer and closer.
I do not blame God at all for not saving me during those hard times. As it’s written: “…The Lord is with you when you are with him. If you seek him, he will be found by you, but if you forsake him, he will forsake you” (2 Chronicles 15:2). Once I turned towards Him, instead of running away, He took those dark times and helped me grow, to learn through it all. If you continue reading in 2 Chronicles 15 it goes on to say, “But in their distress they turned to the Lord, the God of Israel, and sought him, and he was found by them” (2 Chronicles 15:4). I had free will not to chase after God, but once I chose to accept and seek Him he opened himself fully to me. I now know and understand just how precious his thoughts are towards me (Psalm 139:17). I pray that if you are experiencing depression, or ever have experienced it, that you know you aren’t alone. Truly you’re not. I also hope that this song brings comfort to you.